Prayers please...:)

This week-end I will be gone out of town to help out with the Confirmation II retreat this week-end. Please keep these kids in your prayers for this week-end. :) Thank-you!

"Quilt of Holes"

Tonight at "holy" hour, for our ending reflection piece this story was read... I really enjoyed it. :)

"Quilt of Holes"

As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along With all the other souls.

Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; An angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a Tapestry that is our life.

But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged And empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each Square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the Challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw Hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.

I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole Here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the Bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was Disheartened.

My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and Empty, like binding air.

Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the Light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me, And nodded for me to rise.

My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly Fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been Trials of illness, and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my World, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with The temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and Begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and Guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured Painfully, each time offering it U p to the Father in hopes that I would Not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly Judged Me.

And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to Accept it for what it was.

I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light.

An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who Stared at me with wide eyes.

Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, Creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with Warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time you gave over your life To Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.

Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine Through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.'

May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine Through!

God determines who walks into your life ... it's up to you to decide who you Let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'

I need this back. If you'll do this for me, I'll do it for you.... When There is nothing left but God that is when you find out that God is all you Need.

My Personal Mission Statement

Tonight at "holy hour" we reflected on the Gospel reading from this past week-end. In the reading they are all mission statements in one way or another. For our exercise we were asked to write out our own personal mission statements about how we are to live our faith to the fullest in our daily lives. I found this an interesting and thought provoking exercise in a way, so I decided to put mine here.... So here it is.

As a Catholic my mission is to bring the love of God to the world. I want to help those who may not know God find out what He is all about by how I portray myself. Through my thoughts, words, and deeds, while in a humble manner. I will always try to learn as much as I can about my faith so if someone asks me a question I will be able to answer it in a confident but friendly manner. As a Catholic, not only will I know about my faith, but I will happily practice it out. I will show my compassion to those who have lost their way and work on remembering that each person is different, and therefore I need to listen more rather then immediately judge them when they think differently about how to praise and worship God. I will volunteer more to help those in need in my own community in hopes that in some way it will help bring people closer to God. Doing these things will help me to always remember to treat people, from the moment of conception to death, with dignity and respect which is how every person deserves to be treated.

Introducing...

baby Keegan Alexander Walden (my nephew/godson) :) I would have posted a pic here, but for some reason the website will not allow me to do so... so to see pics of Keegan click here. :)

"Shine"

I was listening to one of my many Kieth Urban cd's in the car on the way to Bible study last night when this song came on. Now, usually when I think of this song the first thing in my mind is not that it could be a religious song.... but last night when I listened to it I thought about it differently... Especially the line that says, "Oh don't sit there with your heart under lock & key
Just gimmie one chance and baby I can set you free." When I heard it, it hit me... that is what Jesus is waiting for patiently... for us to unlock and open up our hearts to Him... He is waiting to be the brightest light for us and the only ones who are blocking that light from being there for us is ourselves... Good song. :)

Shine
by Keith Urban

Winter's weighin on your shoulders
It's hangin around a little too long
And I can see it in your eyes
You've taken on a load that's just too strong
Oh but let me get down to the heart of the matter
Baby if you want I can make it better now

When the sun is hard to find
When it's rainin in your eyes
When the shadows block those pretty little blue skies living inside you
When the fallin of your tears, makes a candle disappear
When you just can't see the light
Baby I'll find a way to shine
I'll find a way to shine

Everybody's got a cross to carry
Everybody's got a story they can tell
Ya know you're not the only one counting on a quarter & wishin well
Woah don't you sit there with your heart under lock & key
Gimmie one chance baby, I can set you free

When the sun is hard to find
When it's rainin in your eyes
When the shadows block those pretty little blue skies living inside you
When the fallin of your tears, makes a candle disappear
When you just can't see the light
Baby I'll find a way to shine
I'll find a way to shine

Sometimes in this life good luck don't shine like it suppose to do
When there's no one you can trust
And they just keep on givin up on you
Baby don't ya know that I won't ever let ya down
Come on now…wooo

[Guitar solo]

Oh don't sit there with your heart under lock & key
Just gimmie one chance and baby I can set you free

When the sun is hard to find
When it's rainin in your eyes
And the shadows block those pretty little blue skies living inside you
When the fallin of your tears, makes a candle disappear
And you just can't see the light
Baby I'll find a way to shine
I'll find a way to shine
Find a way to shine
Find a way to shine
You know I'll find a way

Find a way
Find a way

Keegan Alexander is finally here! :)

Dinner at Chili's - $20.00
Washington March for Life trip - $300.00
Colts/Jets AFC Championship play-off tickets/ trip - $500.00
Watching your baby nephew come into the world - Priceless


Yes, that is what I have been spending my whole week-end waiting for. Yesterday around ten a.m. my older sister called to tell me she was in labor and on her way to the hospital. She ended up being in labor for well over thirty hours. I spend around that time in the hospital. I am pretty much exhausted from not much sleep... but that does not compare to all the pain my big sister went through... She did not get any pain relief until around 9 this morning, and then at about 1 p.m. they finally gave her some pytosin to help speed the process along. It was not long before her contractions were coming fast and strong... so they ordered her an epidural around 2:15... for whatever reason it would not take and so when she began to push she had hardly any pain meds. I felt just awful for my sister... She was a trooper. Let me tell you my baby nephew is the cutest little thing... What a way to spend the week-end that is so focused on the pro-life movement. It was simply amazing... and what a rush too!

Keegan is 7 lbs. and 19 1/2 in. long I will be posting a picture of the little guy on here very soon. :)

March For Life - 2010

The Beauty of Imperfection...

What is it about the human nature and trying to be the "perfect" person. People go around aiming to be what they think others want them to be... Trying to always fit in and be popular and liked. Sometimes we work so hard to be perfect for other people that we lose important aspects of our true selves...

To me though, I find it a little boring when people work so hard to fit that "perfect" mold. I find getting to know the real person far more interesting then the more fake one. I know I have been guilty of doing that in the past. Wanting to be liked so much that I would act the way I thought was how people would want me to be. Doing that though I began to forget who I truly was. All the different things that make me who I am.

I think the things a person considers a flaw in themselves in not a flaw at all. It is what helps make each person unique and special. It just adds to the fun of meeting someone new and I tend to love those flaws about people more than anything else. That is just my feelings on this whole topic....

My mom giggled to me over this random blog. She said she gets the feeling that I try to be the "perfect" girl while blogging. I did not know how to take that, because when I blog I really do not try to be a "perfect" person. I usually come here when I have something on my mind, and I type it all out and afterwords I feel so much better. That in no way means I am aiming to be the "perfect" girl. It never was my intention to have anyone think that as they read my blog... This blog is just pretty much me uncensored. It is just that I feel so much more relaxed and comfortable when I am blogging to go more in depth about my own personal views on things. That is not to say I think I am 100% right on what I say here, it is just how I feel... so take it or leave it. This is who I am. This blog, maybe more than anything else, is where a person can come and read and find out where my mind stands on things. I am who I am, and if some people do not like me, than that is fine. I do not expect to have every person I meet click with me. I am not gonna lie, it would be kinda cool if that happened, but that seems somewhat unrealistic. I understand people may not agree with how I think, but there are so many people who I know love me for who I am that I will be okay when someone crosses my path who ends up disliking me...

So I think I went rambling on in this blog. I started out with one thing in mind, and somehow ended up on a "detour" (that's what my dad calls when we are on a family trip and we get lost). So since I somehow have confused myself enough to not know how to get back to where I started I think this is a good place to end... so I am done now.

Miracles happen for me everyday.... :)

Tonight at the "holy" hour we actually spent it doing a holy hour. We spent about fifteen minutes in silence and then Fr. Stan read out loud a reflection. After the reflection we had another ten minutes of silence and reflection, and then we prayed the rosary... after which we had benediction.

The reflection Fr. Stan read was all about how we seem to take the miracle of the Eucharist for granted. I am sure I have blogged on this subject before, but that won't stop me from doing it again...

I too wonder how many people who come to Mass really pay attention to what is going on up on the altar every single week. The coolest thing happens, and I feel like for a lot of people (especially cradle Catholics) we take it for granted. It is something so normal for us that we do not take a moment to enjoy and really thank God for the miracle of the Eucharist. I mean not every religion actually gets to watch a priest turn bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ... Not every religion actually gets to receive Jesus during their communion. That is really Him up there.... the priest is really up there doing that amazing act of transubstantiation... I say "we" because I am including myself in the whole taking it for granted thing... I get how busy everyone's lives can get. There have been times when my mind was somewhere else totally and when I brought my attention to the Mass again I sometimes miss the whole miracle.
We are very lucky to have the gift of the Eucharist...

Another thing I notice is how many people will casually go up to communion as though it were a single file line in a school... it sometimes seems so robotic to me, and that is a sad thing. I think that is part of the reason why I enjoy going to "The Mother of the Redeemer Farm" here in my home town. In this chapel they have just put in a communion rail. I think that is the coolest thing. Maybe it is because they are so foreign to my generation that I find them even more special. I feel there is a lot more reverence involved when people come up to a communion rail and kneel down and wait for the priest to come around with the Eucharist. If I had my way I would love to put in a communion rail for as many churches as possible...

The Unseen House Guest

My mom happens to have a calendar by the computer that has a daily quote on it... today's quote says:

"The more we invite God into the details of our lives, the more likely we will be to encourage other people rather than tear them down."

After reading this quote it made me remember a story about my sister's almost father-in-law. My sister's fiancee came over one night and told me his dad has gone off the deep end. He said his father really did go crazy this time. I asked him why, and he told me this.... He said that at the dinner table that night he pulled up an extra empty chair and told everyone that that was Jesus' seat at the table. His mom missed that apparently because she went to sit in it without realizing the importance of the chair. Anyway, the father got very upset with her for sitting in Jesus' chair at the table.

I am not gonna lie. I did chuckle at this story. I never would have thought to pull up an extra chair at the dinner table for Jesus, nor am I probably ever going to do that... but thinking about the daily quote and the story I was told, there is something to what my sister's boyfriend's father was trying to do...

I think that if we do keep in mind that Jesus is the "unseen" visitor of our house then I have a feeling we would change a lot of our daily habits... I mean, let's face it... Jesus is always here. He sees everything, knows everything... so being reminded of that has made me rethink a few things, like what television shows I watch that may not be the greatest, or the music I listen to is not always the most appropriate I suppose... So maybe even if I do not physically pull up a chair for Jesus, mentally I am going to keep His presence in my mind and try to act accordingly....That is what has been on my mind today, and thought I would share it on my blog here...

I'm a Caregiver.... :)

I took this personality test called the Jungian personality test. I am apparently an E.S.F.J. (extrovert, sensing, feeling, judging). It was very interesting. If you are interested in taking it you can go here....

The Caregiver

As an ESFJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.

ESFJs are people persons - they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others. They are extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view. The ESFJ's strong desire to be liked and for everything to be pleasant makes them highly supportive of others. People like to be around ESFJs, because the ESFJ has a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves.

The ESFJ takes their responsibilities very seriously, and is very dependable. They value security and stability, and have a strong focus on the details of life. They see before others do what needs to be done, and do whatever it takes to make sure that it gets done. They enjoy these types of tasks, and are extremely good at them.

ESFJs are warm and energetic. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They're very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care. ESFJs are such caring individuals, that they sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about.

With Extraverted Feeling dominating their personality, ESFJs are focused on reading other people. They have a strong need to be liked, and to be in control. They are extremely good at reading others, and often change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they're with at the moment.

The ESFJ's value system is defined externally. They usually have very well-formed ideas about the way things should be, and are not shy about expressing these opinions. However, they weigh their values and morals against the world around them, rather than against an internal value system. They may have a strong moral code, but it is defined by the community that they live in, rather than by any strongly felt internal values.


ESFJs at their best are warm, sympathetic, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, thorough, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic. They enjoy tradition and security, and will seek stable lives that are rich in contact with friends and family.

"My Chance"

Paralleling with the book of Numbers

Tonight in Bible study we tried to focus on the book of Numbers. There is a really interesting parallel in this book over how God handled "venial" sin and "mortal" sin before Jesus and how now after Jesus we are lucky to have the amazing sacrament on confession....

In the book of Numbers 15:22-31 it talks about how the people are to be punished due to which level of seriousness of their betrayal.... If a community or a person inadvertently does something wrong without truly knowing what they are doing is wrong then the whole community, or the person that did the fault, has to offer a holocaust of one bull to be forgiven of that fault.... If a person knowingly realizes the seriousness of their fault and does it anyway then he is to be cut off from the community.... In the next section of that chapter verses 32-36 it speaks about a man who did indeed do something on purpose ended up being stoned to death through the orders of God to Moses and Aaron.

After Jesus came He brought to us the sacrament of confession. Even though both venial sin and mortal sin harms us spiritually as they did before, Jesus gave us a way of mercy... We are blessed to have the Sacrament of Reconciliation today. I for one find it very helpful and spiritually reviving to receive that sacrament on an annual basis. I do not know what I would do without it.

It was a very interesting Bible study night, as usual.

Proud to be a Virgin. :)

I found this article off of a website for Jason Evrett and his wife. It is filled with all sorts of different articles about chastity, but I found this one interesting enough to share....

If you met a girl in her mid-twenties who was still a virgin, what would you think? Wouldn't that scare you off?

Nothing adorns a woman with as much beauty as purity! Nothing is more attractive than holiness. Anyone can recognize this. I once heard of a group of young men who called themselves the “Spur Posse.” They competed to sleep with as many women as possible, but every one of them admitted that he wanted to marry a virgin. They all recognized that virginity was a priceless treasure. Unfortunately, they thought it was OK to sleep with the future brides of other men, even though they did not want anyone to touch the women they would marry.

In the book When God Writes Your Love Story, Leslie Ludy reported a conversation she overheard. Four men were speaking about what they looked for in a woman: ‘“A woman who has mystery—who guards her heart and isn’t easy to get.” A woman who has backbone. High standards.” A woman who is focused on God and isn’t easily distracted by men.” A woman who doesn’t throw herself at me, but allows me to win her heart over time.”’ Leslie asked the men what their opinion was of girls who were easy. They all said, ‘“Areal turn off.” Totally unattractive.”’ Leslie asked one more question, ‘“How do you feel about a girl who is careful about guarding her emotions?” I have the utmost respect for a girl like that.” That’s the kind of girl I want to marry.” If I’m interested in a girl, it may be frustrating if she doesn’t fall for me right away, but deep down I am all the more intrigued by the challenge of winning her heart.”’[1]

If I were to meet a woman who was still a virgin (and there are plenty my age), I would not think that something was wrong with her. I would think that something was right with her. I would think, “Here is a woman who is willing to sacrifice for the sake of love. Here is a woman who knows the respect she deserves. Here is a woman who knows full well that her body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Here is a woman.”

Since virginity can be given only once, do not lose it. You lose keys and cell phones but your virginity is not meant to be lost, as if you had misplaced it somewhere. Give your virginity once and for all to the one true love of your life—your spouse—and to no other. This will be a tremendous blessing to your marriage. In fact, women who marry as virgins have a divorce rate 76 percent lower than those who don’t wait for marriage.[2]

There is nothing wrong with you if you cherish the treasure of your virginity. Do you want to explain to your future spouse that you gave away your virginity in order to prove that you were normal or popular? Imagine the joy of being able to tell your groom that the gift of your body belongs entirely to him and to no other. Now imagine if you were not able to tell him that. You have saved it this long because you know its value, and you simply need a reminder that you are on track. You are.

The world talks so often about having “sexual experience” and being able to “perform” that it is no wonder no one seems satisfied. All the talk leaves people afraid to be inexperienced. But why? The marital act has nothing to do with performing. I do not know of anyone who had a panel of judges with numbered cards sitting in their honeymoon suite. Do not worry about not having enough experience. You and your spouse will have your entire married life to learn how to love one another.

Purity before marriage is beautiful and helps unite the couple for life. I have received several e-mails from husbands who are having difficulty in marriage because their wives had been with other men before them. The gift of a pure body, a pure mind, and a pure heart is the greatest gift you could ever give your spouse.

Therefore, virginity does not scare me off. After all, the value of a gift increases immeasurably if it exists only for the one to whom it will be given. Anyone who thinks that having more sexual experience makes the gift of oneself better is like someone who thinks that if you chew your gum before you give it to someone, he will be more impressed by the gift. Prepare to give your future spouse the best gift you possibly can, and the Lord will bless you abundantly.

I Am Called by Name

Since this week I have been having to figure out my class situation I have not had time to attend daily Mass at all. I am missing that a lot, but since I have not made it to Mass I have been trying to keep up with the daily readings... the readings for today can be found if you click here.

The reason I feel like writing about these particular ones is because of what the first reading was. The first reading as about Samuel being called by God while he was asleep. He did not recognize that it was God calling Him at first. He thought it was Eli, but as the night went on, Eli realized that it must be God trying to catch Samuel's attention and told him to tell God he is ready to listen if Samuel heard the voice again.

It can still be like that for me today. I can get so into my own life....running from one place to another... being with one group of friends and then leaving those people to meet another one of my many groups of friends. I always have a mental checklist going through my mind about what needs to be done and when and where I am supposed to be. Quiet time for me is very rare, and it usually happens when I am doing Eucharistic Adoration, to be quite honest. I go and go and go, I sometimes feel like the energizer bunny. I realize now that that is probably not the best way to hear God's voice. I ask Him constantly what He wants with me, but I do not give Him much one on one time to really listen to the answer. Maybe it is because I am partially afraid of what it is, and maybe it is because I am still wanting to be to selfish with my own time. Even though I part of me is a little nervous, a larger part of me really does want to do what He wants me to do... I know that God is calling me to do something great with my life, just like He is calling everyone else to do something great with theirs. His plan is the best after all, it just may not seem like it in the beginning. So my resolution to the whole busy problem is that everyday I am going to set aside some time at home to sit in my room quietly with no music in the background and talk with God... hopefully that way it will be easier for me to hear what He wants of me.

Now I am off to find out about this next class... wish me luck!

Some Things to Think About...

While waiting to find out if I will be able to attend my Tuesday evening class I checked my e-mail. I received these quotes in a forward and found them worthwhile to think about, so I thought I would share...

Don’t stand for something? You’ll fall for anything.- Africa

Better to be one sided than two faced.

Man's character is his fate. - Heraclitus

The more you know the less you show.

Character is power. - Booker T Washington

Before honor is humility. - Proverbs 18:12.

Character is what you do when no one is looking. - Henry Huffman

A half truth is a whole lie. - Yiddish proverb

Have more than thou show, speak less than thou know.-Shakespeare

When in doubt, tell the truth. - Mark Twain

Humility-No one act big. No one act small. Everyone act medium.

Justice is truth in action - Benjamin Disraeli’

A lie has speed, truth has endurance. - Edgar Mohn

Don’t compromise yourself. It’s all you’ve got. - Janis Joplin

If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters. - Alan Simpson

Life- a long lesson in humility. - James Barrie

Integrity needs no rules. - Albert Camus

If I lose my honor, I lose myself. - Shakespeare S

Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes. - Maggie Kuhn

Honesty is the best policy. - English Proverb

What’s right isn’t popular, what’s popular isn’t right. -H.Cosell

Little strokes fell great oaks. - Benjamin Franklin

Rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud. - Sophocles

Master habits before they master you.

Opinions alter, but character does not change- Benjamin Disraeli

We make our habits, then our habits make us.

Lying is done with words and also with silence. - Adrienne Rich

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.-Elbert Hubbard

Walk in another's shoes before judging them.

Touch a person's heart before trying to change their head.

While there’s life, there’s hope. - Terence

The computer is still down at my home. Luckily I have had some internet access here on campus and at work. I feel much more relaxed at home though. I feel like that is where I can think and write out more freely I suppose.... Hopefully not much longer until I get to do that....

Waitlisted....

I am a little frustrated with how my semester of school may turn out this year... You see this is supposed to be my last one, but unfortuately I am waitlisted on not one, not two, not even three, but all four of my classes. For some reason I guess that whoever is in charge of scheduling classes decided that the classes which I need to take (which happen to be the ones that are the last four in the order of my credits) do not need to have a lot of... if that makes any sense. The beginner classes they schedule for so many different times it is crazy. It is not hard at all to schedule for those. As you get higher up, however, they make fewer and fewer times for students to sign up for. This sememester for example, each one of the classes I need to take, they only offer one night class option for each one and one day class option... because of that they filled up very quickly, and there is also a long waiting list for them, which I happen to be on... So basically each night I am going to have to show up and hope that someone who is signed up ends up not coming, and the people who are higher up on the wait list do not show up as well.... Because these are those last few classes, I highly doubt that will happen. Waitlisted...... it stinks

It just reminds me about how I should not make many long term plans because most likely they will not turn out the way I think they will. I assumed that this would be my very last year. I have had these plans for what I want to do after I graduate; like move out of my family's home and into my own apartment for starters. That may not happen even if I do end up getting to take one of the classes this semester because I still will have to come back and take the others again. So the only thing I can say is I guess God is not quite ready for me to be done with being a student, for whatever reason I have yet to learn. I guess I will just have to wait and see how this goes. If anything though, I do know that I am signing up for these classes as soon as this week is done if I do not make it them so I know that I will have a spot for next year...

I guess patience is a virtue I am still having a hard time learning. lol

"Walking in a Winter Wonderland"

I have now spent about four days without really posting up a blog due to computer problems... my computer has yet to be fixed. I am now sitting at work on break and thought I would make a short one.

This week-end I was surprised with having two snow days, which meant an unplanned four day week-end for me. It was a relaxing one. I spent Thursday pretty much all day in my pj's. I didn't go anywhere and I was just plain lazy.... both Thursday and Friday I spend helping sew a blanket for my baby nephew who will be here in just a matter of weeks hopefully. :) I also read an entire book in those two days as well...

Friday night was fun. I went bowling and hung out with some friends. It was a nice night out....

Saturday I went sledding with my sister and some of her friends at the local popular place to sled... known to us b-town people as "Dyer Hill." I hadn't really gone sledding in so long that I forgot just how much fun it is. My sister and I did at one point accidentally hit a ramp and the sled flew out from under us and I landed on ice... My behind has been somewhat sore from that all week-end long... I then stayed at her place that night and had a fun sister evening.

Yesterday was enjoyable. It was the day for our youth Mass, and so I was able to catch up with some of my friends who came back from their break for classes. It was nice... I also went to another baby shower for my sister after that and then came home and watched the Green Bay Packer's end up losing their big game....

It was a very nice week-end with a lot of family-time, which does not bother me at all... I think the one thing that really made my week-end even better is knowing that the Patriot's also lost their play-off game... hee hee hee... Not a fan of the Patriot's whatsoever. lol

Ok, now my break is almost over so I will get off now... Hopefully not much longer until I get my computer back. Not gonna lie, I have been going through some major blogging withdrawal. lol

Computer Down...

My home computer is down..... yet again... Thanks to some download my brother made the computer has a virus on it... so until we get it fixed there will not be much blogging go on here... I am now at my sister's apartment borrowing their computer. Hopefully it won't take a week to get fixed like the last time....

It will all turn out okay...

"Lexie: [narrating] Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone.
Mark: It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life. It's loss. It's change.
Alex: And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.
Izzie: That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive.
Derek: By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurt this much.
Bailey: Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way.
Owen: So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty.
Meredith: The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it.
Arizona: The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes.
Callie: And let it go when we can.
Meredith: The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again.
Cristina: And always, every time, it takes your breath away.
Meredith: There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five.
Alex: Denial.
Derek: Anger.
Bailey: Bargaining.
Lexie: Depression.
Richard: Acceptance."
~Grey's Anatomy~

Thinking about the above quote makes me think about how true it really is..... The whole stages of grief thing.

Denial - that initial response when you are told something that happens to be the last thing you want to hear is what you can't change.... When someone you love dies, whether it happened suddenly or not, it is still something that is hard to believe... Being told by your significant other that they can no longer care for you the same anymore and are ready to break things off even though you think that everything is all perfect... you don't want to believe that that relationship is truly over...Being told that you are laid off from a job... denial is the first thing that comes to mind...That moment when you realize that you lost your child... whether it is when you just turned your back for a minute and turn around and that child is no longer there or your teenager goes out for a bike ride and does not return... When you are told your parents are getting a divorce.... You always think no this really is not happening to me. It is something that happens to someone else, not to me...

Anger - the next stage. The one when you kind of want to hate the world for the horrible thing that happened to you. You fume inside. You are so frustrated and upset and confused as to why God allowed it to happen to you. You get even more annoyed and frustrated and aggravated when no one can give you the answers you want to hear.

Bargaining - After awhile that anger slowly dies away and in it's place is the idea that maybe you can find a way to work things out. You beg for a second chance. You beg to see that loved one's face one more time and then you will be okay. You fight to the bitter end to find a way to have that relationship back, or to see that child that had been abducted once more. The anger may be gone, but the hope that you can still get what you once had back is still very much alive.

Depression - This is what you go through after you realize that you really and truly are not going to get what you want back. You finally do realize that that person will never come back.... your parents will never get back together... your ex really has moved on and is happy without you... You get in this mode where you lost hope finally and you go into depression. You don't want to go anywhere, do anything. All you want to do is hide yourself under the covers and stuff yourself with mindless junk food while watching re-runs of whatever sappy tv show happens to reflect the closest to what you are feeling inside... and you have no energy to work-out or even try to fake being happy... It is the hardest stage of all I think when it comes to getting over something that was a huge part of your life...

Acceptance - The last stage when you come to terms with yourself that that part of your life is over... It is the time when you realize that you have to move on. You have to find something to help fill the empty feeling that the previous person once filled up. You force yourself to keep busy in the hope that it will bring you one day closer to truly being over the loss of that person.... You realize that you will not ever forget how that person made you feel and one day it will be easier to think back and smile, but for now you find something else you love to do and do it....

The five stages of grief... the more I pondered on them and the above quote, the more I thought about how it feels when you have realized you will be okay without that person. It is a different kind of feeling. It still hurts, but no where near how it did before... Why I decided to even write about these stages tonight is because for the first time this morning when I first woke up, I did not think about the one thing that has been frustrating me... and it didn't hit me that I hadn't thought about it until maybe thirty minutes later, and the moment I realized that a part of me ached... it was sharp, but it went by pretty fast... and ever since then that quote has been on my mind... "The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away."

A few of my favorite cheesy quotes...

One of the things I enjoy collecting happens to be quotes. I have maybe three notebooks I've filled up with different quotes. Quotes about life, success, romance, love, advice, friendship, faith, so forth and so on. Whenever I see something that makes me kind of think I will save it and then write it out in one of my notebooks... Anyway, here are some of my very favorite "cheesy" ones.... if you're interested anyway.

"God wrote your love story. Let Him read it to you."
~Anonymous~

"Life comes without no guarantees, except smiling will brighten your face. Laughing will enhance your eyes, and falling in love will change your life."
~Anonymous~

"When I am older and my daughter asks me who was my first love I don't want to have to pull out the old photo album. I want to be able to point across the room and say 'He's sitting right there."
~Anonymous~

"Imperfection is beauty. Madness is genius, and it is better to be absolutely ridiculous then absolutely boring."
~Anonymous~

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in people. For beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."
~Audrey Hepburn~

"Women were made from a man's rib, not from his head to be superior, not from his feet to be walked on; but from his side to be equal, from under his arm to be protected, and from next to his heart to be loved."
~Anonymous

"Everyone says that love hurts, but that's not true Lonliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Everyone confuses these things with love, but in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers all the pain and makes us feel better again."
~Bumper Sticker~

"Did you say it? I love you and I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life. Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it. But every now and then look around. Drink it in. Because this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow."
~Dr. Meredith grey~
Grey's Anatomy

"Dance with God. He'll let the perfect man cut in."
~Anonymous~

"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to go to Him in order to find her."
~Anonymous~

You gotta believe in yourself first....

"If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you will not, you most assuredly will not. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad."
~Denis Waitley~

Mariage is a vocation... a life-long commitment

All the talk about weddings in my last post made me think that as much as I thought about how I wanted my own wedding to go, I thought more about the kinda of marriage I want... A wedding is a great celebration for the couple to share with the people that they love, but after all the excitement of the wedding and the honeymoon, the most important things are about to happen.

A marriage should always be focused on what God wants you, as a married couple, to do to serve Him. Marriage should not just be looked at as an end to "waiting" and being good and finally being able to finally enjoy the fun stuff about being married. Each person in the marriage still needs to respect not only their partner, but also God. Sex inside of marriage should not be abused, it should be used as a way to come closer to the partner and being open to whatever the will of God is.... that is why when I get married I will practice N.F.P. (natural family planning)...
Being married each person needs to listen and respect one another... It is a tough road and should not be entered into lightly. It is a teamwork. It is a choice. As much as I am a romantic, I also know that marriage is not always lovey dovey and happy. There are moments and times when it is tough. When you may be angry with the other person, and want to run off, but you cannot do that. You have to talk through it, even if it is not what you feel like doing.

Communication is key....
When kids come along as husband and wife and parents you need to always be on the same page... and it has to be a fair way. I think that if the parents show they do not think the same way in raising kids the children will notice it very early, and before you know it chaos will most likely happen...

I believe that the father will need to be the head of the family... if the parents disagree about something, they need to talk about it in another room or at a time when the children will not hear to much about that disagreement, but whatever the outcome of that disagreement is, the father should be the one that will put the foot down... I am not saying the mother should not, because she should, but children in some ways will listen to the father more so then the mother... Maybe it is because of the deeper voice or the firmer look they can give. I am still unsure about that, except that I know that when I grew up, when my dad got upset and really put his foot down I knew to leave it be and not argue about it anymore.

As I said before, marriage is not easy. It is a vocation, a lifelong commitment... One which I will take the time to pray and think long and hard about before I agree to it....

I thought more about this subject, but if I went through everything I could write a book.... so I will end it on that note..

I'm single and that's how I wanna be....."

Today I was able to attend a very beautiful wedding ceremony and reception. An old friend from work got married today. I love weddings. I have loved everything about them ever since I was a little girl and caught my very first bouquet at age 8. My favorite thing to watch during the ceremony is how the couple looks at eachother when they are saying their vows. It is a precious moment... and then my two favorite moments at the reception are the father/daughter, son/mother dances...

The difference with this wedding though is that it was the first one I went to that was not a family member's wedding, or a close friend of the family's wedding... so I was the only member of my family to attend, and so as much as I loved watching those moments at the wedding, I couldn't help but daydream about how my future wedding would be... From who would preside to what church to the readings.... the songs that would play at the reception the kind of food, what my dress would look like and the bridesmaids dresses looked like... just being silly I supposed. It was also at this particular wedding that I found myself kind of wishing I thought to bring a date, although I still do not know who I'd ask to be my date... just to have someone there to joke around with and keep from being to bored, and to dance with every now and then.

I know that with the way my life is right now I don't have time for a serious relationship, but I realized that it does not really matter if I think I am ready for one or not... it's God's decision. I need to keep my mind focused on Him and what His plans are for me because even if I were not so busy that does not mean God thinks I am ready for my future husband to show up... The more I think about it the more I realized that it is much more frustrating for me to be sitting around thinking that my guy will just randomly show up and find me.... No that is not how it will happen. I have to keep myself busy doing the things I love to do. I need to keep active, and if I meet him great, but I am not going to fuss over when that time is. Besides, from what I have been told, men like women who have their own lives better then those who lean on them to make their lives happier all the time...so here I go!

My Resolutions for 2010

"We spend January first walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives, not looking for flaws, but for potential."
~Ellan Goodman~

That is the perspective I kind of took this year when thinking up my own new years resolution... I thought long and hard about what I can do to help me be, in the words of Matthew Kelley, the "best version of myself." So thinking about that quote I decided on a few things and areas of improvement for me....

1.)I happen to be a procrastinator, especially when it comes to my schoolwork. To help fix that I am going to not leave my homework to the very last minute. I am going to have it all worked out at least two days before it is due so all I will have to do before I leave for class is print it out. Doing this will hopefully help me be a little less stressed out when it comes to getting everything done.

2.) I am going to sign myself up for a specific hour of adoration on first Friday at my parish. I do go to adoration, but I feel that signing myself up for an hour will make myself even more accountable with that hour, plus when I make a plan like that I always stick to it. I do not know why I have not done that before, but I will do it a.s.a.p.

3.) I plan to work-out for thirty minutes a day. Now I will not always be able to block out a whole thirty minute period, but I will be able to do maybe 15 min. of something in the morning before I go to work and the other 15 min. when I get home at night.

4.) I am going to try and work harder on my relationship with my younger brother this year. I love him dearly, but our relationship is not always that great. I put him down a lot, and even though he makes choices I think are really stupid, I have to keep in mind he is only fifteen. At fifteen I remember thinking the world revolved around me too, so I need to cut him some slack in that area.

5.) I need to pray the rosary everyday. I do great with that for a long period of time, and then something happens and I forget about it for awhile. I need to pray it, and the best time I will be able to do so is during nap time and break at work everyday.

Ok so those are my resolutions, and I am determined to keep them. I am thinking the main one I will have to struggle with is the whole homework one, but I will work the hardest on that one.