Roles of Men And Women In The Catholic Church

There has been somewhat of an on-going discussion between my groups of friends over feminism in the Catholic Church. In one group we have been discussing the roles men and women should play in the Church. Basically why women should not be priests and why we should only have girl "altar boys" only when desperate. In the other group we talked about how there is the wrong kind of feminism and the right kind. Just because women are capable to do the things men can does not mean we need to prove it to everyone. We may be capable, but that is not what we are called to do.

My favorite Bible quote to reference when I speak about this topic is; Ephesians 5:22-33.

22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

It is quite obvious here that men and women are called to do different things. Men to take the lead and be strong to help protect and defend the Church. Women are called to follow the men's lead. Even though Men are called to be in leadership roles, women still have a lot of power in their parishes. Women are made to be caregivers and teachers. We as women are the ones put in charge to form the minds of the future of the Church. That is a huge deal to be entrusted with. We are also called to be Sacristans and make sure the sanctuary stays clean and beautiful because a building housing the tabernacle should be kept in the best shape. Women have equal rights to be sponsors at Baptism and Confirmation.They can be readers at Mass, extraordinary ministers (laypersons who assist the priest at Mass to give out Holy Communion, sometimes call Eucharistic ministers) if needed, and they can work in the parish office.

There is a downside for those who try to push the interchangeability between the roles of the sexes. It often results in society encouraging men not to be strong leaders and not to take roles of leadership in their families, in their parish, and in society. We don't want to give an excuse for men to become wimpy. We want all of our Catholic men to be strong and ready to take action when called to do so.

I know I am probably going to be considered a little old fashioned to some who may read this, but it is how I feel.

Good People, Good Conversations, And Good Food. What More Could A Girl Ask For?

It is so refreshing to me when a group of almost complete strangers happen to come together and once the knowledge of where each one stands as far as their love of God goes end up having some pretty intense or deep conversations. That is just what happened to me today...

Earlier this week a good friend of mine asked me to come with him and some of his other friends to lunch today and it would be his treat. It was a nice surprise and who can turn down free food? Obviously I could not turn down free food, especially after I found out where we were going to lunch; Noodles and Company. Once we were all there it was quickly understood how our friend was buying us all lunch. Really he won a free lunch for him and a group of his friends so he did not have to pay a thing. I felt blessed to be one of the select few invited to this lunch as there were only six of us.

As I sat there with the group I realized the only one I knew very well were two of the people at my group. It was easy to see from the start of our meeting that these people all had a love for God even though not all of us shared the same Catholic faith. I ended up joining in on one conversation as one of the guys at our table was sharing a bit about how his relationship with his girlfriend was going. I always enjoy hearing those kinds of stories... I am kind of girly in that way. He was talking about how he was seriously beginning to think even more seriously about asking this girl to marry him, but there were still things about their relationship he was not sure about. Not bad things, just weather they were really called to be married or if God had other plans for them. There was something he said that really touched me. He said something along the lines of how if God was calling them into marriage he could not wait to see how wonderful their union would help with God's Kingdom. He talked about how he wanted this woman to love God more than him even if that did mean that she ended up feeling called and pulled into another direction other than marriage with him. He also mentioned how he had not told her he loved her. He explained that from the beginning of their relationship he explained to her he would not say "I Love You" unless there was a ring on her finger. My friend and I were impressed by that because as women it is very hard for us not to want to hear those words in a relationship and even harder to be ok with not hearing them. He explained that in his past he had used those words for all the wrong reasons, but now he realized how stupid that was and only wanted to say them when he knew that he would be marrying the person he said it to. He was shocked about the turn of his conversation with all that info as we were for receiving it. Us three had a connection and understanding in that moment as my friend, Stephanie, was expressing everything I was thinking in my head and wanted to say only she beat me to it...

Hearing what he had to say made me think about some things. It affirmed in me about how I feel about my own outlook on what I want a real relationship to be. A relationship with God put first. A relationship where both of us are looking to God and what He wants rather than what we are wanting to be selfish about. What he and his girlfriend are choosing to do is a beautiful example of how I wish more people were in their relationships... It is relationships like this that give me hope.

It is interesting how conversations like that are what stick with a person more than anything else at the end of a day. I hope that whatever happens with this person's relationship will give him peace. I made a new friend even if I will probably never see him again. Who knows, maybe I will....

Fighting To Keep Childhood Innocence

This past week it seems as though the majority of the conversations I have held with my friends have all at one point or another focused mainly on sex. What I mean by that is we have discussed how sad it is that the kids nowadays are becoming sexually mature at an early age. Just this evening one of my friends was telling me how an eleven year old she knew of in her hometown had become pregnant. Eleven years old. It completely shocked me. Thinking back to age eleven I was just beginning to kind of notice boys. Sex completely grossed me out. Most of my friends have all agreed with this being how it was for them as well. It seems to me that children are growing up way earlier than they need to.

I became even more curious about how serious this may be down the road for the future of these kids. Apparently in one public middle school they handed out a sex survey which was very detailed. You are welcome to read more about that if you click here. I am very saddened to hear that such a detailed sex survey is being handed to seventh graders. I am not a parent, but I am pretty sure if I was a parent of a child at that school I would be furious. There is a study that has been going on with this age group which you can read about by looking here. Obviously there is a huge factor in this study which I do not agree with, and that is pushing more condoms into Middle schools. I do not think that will fix this issue... In fact that just tells them that having sex that young is ok.

Here are some more facts I have found:

Nearly half (46%) of all 15–19-year-olds in the United States have had sex at least once.

By age 15, only 13% of never-married teens have ever had sex. However, by the time they reach age 19, seven in 10 never-married teens have engaged in sexual intercourse.

Twenty-one states and the District of Columbia explicitly allow all minors to consent to contraceptive services without a parent's involvement (as of January 2010). Two states (Texas and Utah) require parental consent for contraceptive services in state-funded family planning programs

Of the 18.9 million new cases of STIs each year, 9.1 million (48%) occur among 15–24-year-olds.

Although 15–24-year-olds represent only one-quarter of the sexually active population, they account for nearly half of all new STIs each year

Each year, almost 750,000 women aged 15–19 become pregnant.

Ten percent of all U.S. births are to teens

1 out of 5 people will have an std withing the next few years.

These are only a few statistics and if I had more time tonight to really look for more I would. This is enough for me to read and know something is not working right when it comes to our kids.

Sometimes I wish I was born in a different century when everyone cared strongly about their reputations and how other people viewed them. Sex was supposed to be for marriage, as it should be today. All I can keep doing is working on being the best role model I can for the kids I am around. I want to be held accountable because I do know I have quite a few people who do look up to me. With lots of prayer and focus on my goal I am pretty sure I will not go wrong. I know, that is much easier said than done.

Some Dating Advice From Yours Truely

The other night I was hanging out with a group of friends which happened to be made up of mostly males. They each had great fun asking me and the few girls who were with us about dating advice. It was kind of fun answering their questions because of the look on their faces. It was like they were holding onto every piece of info we were giving them... They did not even notice the few times we were being completely sarcastic about a question they would ask. It was hilarious... So after this little encounter I thought I would have a fun and random post about some do's and don'ts of dating... Most of this is pretty easy to get, but apparently for some not as easy as others.

For cheap first dates a guy should NEVER take a girl to the Mall. Never! It will not go over well... the only time it is ok to take a girl to the Mall as a date is when you are in Middle School pretty much. Other than that not good.

Also the guy really should always pay for the first few dates... and it is even more impressive if they keep paying for all the dates... It is understandable to have the girl and guy share the costs, but not when they are just starting out. Not so cool.

Always be courteous and show good manners. Hold doors open. Help her put on her coat if it is cold outside, walk her to the door... these things are simple enough and really do impress the ladies.

Be respectful. Look into the girl's eyes when she is talking to you. It lets her know you are interested in HER...

On a first date do not tell everything there is to know about you. Hold a lot of that back. It ruins the mystery if you tell everything and she will lose interest pretty fast. Seriously, no likes to have their life stories told on a first date. It gets old fast.

It is extremely cool to ask your date to go to Mass or Adoration with you as part of a date. A girl who takes her faith seriously will be incredibly impressed with that move and will happily say yes.

Do not talk about how other girls look in front of your date... (Seriously, I thought this one would be an easy one, but apparently not so easy for some of my guy friends to get... They wondered why girls get annoyed with them after they do this one... uh. Hello!?!?!? Duh!)

Girls like random dates... It is usually the more unique dates that girls remember the most. Dinner and movies are good every so often... but after awhile it gets old.

Please do not say "I Love You" unless you really mean it. Playing around with a girl's emotions is so not cool... but when you do mean it say it often enough that she really knows you mean it.

Please have some patience with us. Sometimes us girls cannot make up our minds. As a girl I do have this problem. The truth is not one of us really knows what we really want. We get moody. Go a little crazy. It is just a fact. All of us girls have this problem... It is how it is... so please do not take offense too much with our craziness. :)

Yes, I am still alive. :)

Well I have realized tonight that I haven't written up a blog post on here in quite a few days. I have just been so busy with a lot of different things that I haven't really had the time to sit down and write out a blog... I was busy with work, retreat reunions, movie night, playing ultimate frisbee, going to a friend's band concert, bowling, confirmation classes, and Bible study, add on family drama to that... Just a lot going on. Not much free time at all.

Tonight for Bible study we studied the book of Tobit. It is my very favorite book of the Bible. Me a hopeless romantic and all, this particular book, along with Song of Songs, totally works for me. It is a love story with lots of different drama going on in the story... It starts off with Tobias, Tobiah's father, a very righteous and holy man who becomes blind. He becomes distressed and prays to be able to die.

While this is going on there is a woman named Sarah who has issues of her own. She had married seven times, and each of those seven husbands ended up being killed by the demon of lust on their wedding night. She finally gets to the breaking point and starts to plan her own death. She changes her mind from committing suicide to asking God to take her life, and even at the end of her prayer she hands everything over to him and says that if He wants her to live, so be it, put to take pity on her.

At this point of the storyline, God finally sends out the archangel Raphael (Raphael actually means healer) to help answer both their prayers. Raphael goes with Tobiah to go in search of his wife, Sarah. Along the way they come upon a fish, and Raphael tells Tobiah that if he wants to get rid of Sarah's demon he must use the insides of this fish to cause him to flee, and then afterwords he and Sarah must pray to God in thanksgiving. He also said that in order to give Tobias his vision back he has to use the guts of the fish and wipe it on his eyes.

Finally Tobiah meets Sarah and they both do as Raphael told him on their wedding night, and the evil demon flees without hurting Tobiah, and then they kneel down and pray in thanksgiving for their vocation of marriage to each other.

Tobiah and Sarah finally head back to Ninevah where Tobiah helps bring his father's vision back. When Tobiah goes to give Raphael money for going on his journey with him Raphael finally reveals who he is to the two men... and then everyone lives happily ever after...

Here is the prayer that the Tobiah and Sarah prayed their wedding night...

Tobit 8:4-8

When the girl's parents left the bedroom and closed the door behind them, Tobiah arose from bed and said to his wife, "My love, get up. Let us pray and beg our Lord to have mercy on us and to grant us deliverance." She got up, and they started to pray and beg that deliverance might be theirs. He began with these words: "Blessed are you, O God of our fathers; praised be your name forever and ever. Let the heavens and all your creation praise you forever. You made Adam and you gave him his wife Eve to be his help and support; and from these two the human race descended. You said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; let us make him a partner like himself.' Now, Lord, you know that I take this wife of mine not because of lust, but for a noble purpose. Call down your mercy on me and on her, and allow us to live together to a happy old age." They said together, "Amen, amen,"

Men, Think Before You Speak.... Seriously

Last night I was talking to a friend on the phone when he asked me what I think of when someone calls me "hot." After that it sparked into a conversation about how terms some men seem to think are supposed to make a girl feel special (sexy, hot etc.) do not actually make a girl feel special at all...

So when I hear a man say I am "hot" I do not nearly enjoy it as much as when they call me beautiful... or gorgeous. I personally feel the two terms, sexy and hot, are demeaning in a way to women. Usually when I hear those words they are coming from guys who I walk past... who do not know anything about me other then what I look like, which in turn makes me think that the only thing they are thinking about is my body when they say those things...

I happened to look up what the terms for each of these words meant and found them very interesting....

sexy - 1 : sexually suggestive or stimulating : erotic

hot - b (1) : sexually excited or receptive

adorable - 1 : worthy of being adored
2 : extremely charming

cute - 2 : attractive or pretty especially in a childish, youthful, or delicate way

gorgeous - splendidly or showily brilliant or magnificent

beautiful - 1. An adjective used to describe something pleasing to the eye.
2. An adjective used to describe someone that appears physically attractive, but when this opinion comes from a non-lustful state of mind.
3. An adjective used to describe someone that appears attractive because of their emotions, tendencies, personality, or other non-physical traits.

I think that terms beautiful, gorgeous, cute, adorable... all those words I find more flattering than "Damn she's HOT!" So to all those guys out there who think they are complimenting a girl when they say that....well you might want to rethink that before you say it...

I want to leave this particular blog with this last quote here.... I think it works with my topic....

Your smile makes you pretty
Your body makes you sexy
Only your mind makes you beautiful

The x-factor

In the last post I talked about how to find a good Catholic mate... Well those are the most important key factors to find a good relationship, but there are other factors that are pretty important when it comes to attracting the opposite sex....
I have always found all the different articles about what attracts the opposite sex somewhat amusing. I usually laugh them off, but these two "Top 10" lists seemed to be onto something... Since I am not a guy I do now know how true the list about "Top 10 Ways to attract men," but it did seem to make since to me....

Top 10 Ways to attract Women

10.) Be Original - Dinner and a movie can only go so far....
Random off the wall dates will be much more memorable.
9.) Stay In Control - Take care of the details. A girl will be
much more pleased to know she does not have to make all the
decisions.
8.)Be Chivalrous - Be polite. It makes a girl feel protected
and special.
7.) Be Cool - Do not get upset over little things like an
unreturned phone call every few weeks or so.
6.)Be Mysterious - Do not tell your whole life story on the
first date... it's more fun for the girl to figure out things about
you throughout the whole relationship.
5.) Have A Life - It's easy for a girl to find a guy that "needs"
her. She feels more attractive when a guy that already has a
good life wants to be with her.
4.) Be Unpredictable - Always keep her guessing.
3.) Make Her Earn It - It will help her value you more if she
puts in time and effort into the relationship too.
2.) Make A Move - She'll have more respect for the guy with
the guts to make the first move.
1.) Be Causal - Don't move to fast. Follow the girl's lead.

Top 10 Ways to attract men

10.) Use Good Manners - Guys find girls that are kind and
gentle more attractive... those are the kinds of girls guys are
happy to bring home to meet mom.
9.) Be Cheerful and Make Small Talk - Being negative or
complaining is not how to attract a man
8.) Make Eye-Contact - Men are much more likely to come
up to you if your eye contact draws them in.
7.) Be Self-Reliant - Men are attracted to successful woman
who have their own separate lives and are not so clingy. If a girl
feels as though she cannot have a life without a guy then the guy
will begin to feel a little suffocated.
6.) Smile Often and Look Approachable - Men are too
nervous to approach a woman who looks stern or angry.
5.) Learn to Cook - "The way to a man's heart is through his
stomach" is very very true.
4.) Pick Up A Few Trendy Fashion Pieces - Guys like girls
who look trendy and fresh.
3.) Take Care of Yourself - Take pride in your personal
appearance. Be as healthy and fit as you can be.
2.) Be Confident - Wallflowers won't draw a guy in. If a girl is
outgoing and having fun and seem like the life of the party then
the guy will become more interested in her.
1.) Be Smart - Don't play dumb. Guys don't like it. Great guys
are attracted to intelligent women.

Where have all the good men gone????

There are some things guys should always do for girls. Period....

I found this list off of facebook. I mentioned in a blog posting awhile back ago how I wished that girls were still treated with respect by guys. Now I know it is not all the males fault as to why they stopped doing simple acts of respect for girls. Women today seem to have this mind set that we are equal to men, and we do not need their help at all. I think that is really sad, myself... You can read more about my opinion on this if you click here. When I found this list, I was surprised to find that most of it was made up by men, so it is not girls trying to tell men how to act, but other men trying to tell other men how to be men. Hopefully that last sentence was not too confusing...

0. There are always exceptions to this list. The foundational exception is when you actually talk to the her and she says something different than what is included within this list. These suggestions don't provide you with the holy grail of dating or offer you the Ten Commandments for the Ladies Man, they're simply a push in the right direction for being a gentleman.

Open doors when possible - whether it be to a building or the passenger car door. the classic example that's stood the test of time.

When in a place of worship (or other places that have aisles and pews), if a man is at the end of the pew, when exiting he should stand in the aisle and let all the females go before him. (This seems odd to some people, yet normal for others. If you don't get it, don't worry about it, okay?)

Talk! The strong & silent bit goes from intriguing to boring quite fast.

Find out what her favorite flower is and buy them for her randomly (regardless of the situation you might be in). A simple yet profound truth: a single rose says more than dozens of anything else. (I encourage the women to not allow a guy to "prove himself worthy" through gifts and flowers and such. Trust is a precious thing and it should take a good chunk of time before he gains it back in your heart.)

If you miss her, or love her, TELL HER! Even your friends like to hear it every now & again.

Remember: the best gifts you can give are usually free of cost.

Leave a note (or send a message) just to say "hi".

Ask her questions about herself.

Dress nice every once & a while. Any girl likes to see her brother/friend/boyfriend/etc. in a well-ironed button-up with some nice slacks.

PRIDE & PREJUDICE ...that's all I have to say about that (I mean, that should speak for itself). (It's even more impressive if he has read the book.)

Tolerate small children as best you can. Meaning, put up with the things that can get annoying. They're children, after all. Show them love and care, teach them how to become a better man than you. (You were once extremely irritating. Get over the obnoxious kids and enjoy getting down to their level - not "for her", but for the good of yourself and others.)

Learn to dance! There is nothing sexier than a man who can dance really well. If God did not bless you with the grace of Fred Astaire, at least put forth the effort, it will be greatly appreciated. Always slow dance (even if it's just like you danced in middle school). Also, men, sing to a lady. Even if you're terrible, suck it up! They love to listen to it and will not care what you sound like. It's the thought that counts on this one. Unless you're just downright terrible, nothing sexy about that. Haha, thanks, Jade!

Kiss her on the forehead.

Hold her hand while you talk, drive, or just for the heck of it (it's the small things that win you big points).

LOOK IN HER EYES, NOT AT HER CHEST!!!!!

Stupid jokes = awkwardly adorable moments.

Tickle her, tease her, let her tease you back without getting all bent out of shape about it.

Don't call her hot, or pretty, or cute; call her beautiful, because that's what she is. (I don't think cute is that bad, but definitely stay away from "hot" [it's so overused and superficial] and step "pretty" up to beautiful or gorgeous or stunning or captivating or...)

Offer her your jacket/sweatshirt. (Note: you may not see that particular item of clothing for a while, if ever again).

Don't be too proud to apologize.

When she feels at her worst, tell her she looks her best.

If you're trying to get more than friendship out of the relationship, take it slow and never rush her.

Just because you're a guy doesn't mean you are completely incapable of calling when you say you will, it just means you are highly incapable of it. There are few acceptable answers to, "Why didn't you call?", & being male is not one of them.

Don't check out other girls in front of your female friends/sisters/mother, unless you are sincere when you later ask them if you think she could introduce the two of you for more reasons than you "want to get some".

Guys - always offer to pay for the date. No matter how expensive it gets, especially if YOU asked HER on the date. [if she is willing to pay now and again, don't let your "man pride" get in the way of her wanting to give back to you. she should understand money can be tight - especially when you're always buying]

Always do everything in your power to keep her as happy as you can. And cheer her up in any way possible. [if she isn't always happy - and i've never met a girl who is - don't be afraid of her and don't be stupid and always, unquestioningly, blame it on PMS. be there WITH her when times are tough and she wants you there.]

When walking on the sidewalk, always walk on the outside near traffic. (So everyone has a different opinion for how this started. For some, it's because of the human waste that was getting thrown out the windows when this was happening a century ago. The woman walked under the overhangings extending from the buildings with the guy in the open to take the mess if need be. Others say it's from the guy's scabbard/sword being on his left with the woman walking on the right. As for today, it's the traffic and puddles and what-not. Whatever it is. It's just a courtesy thing, if it seems necessary.)

At least do everything in your power to keep cursing to a minimum while around her. If you can, cut it out period while around her, or cut it out of your vocabulary. Women don't want to hear it, guys don't care about it, adults don't want to hear it, it doesn't impress employers, and you sure won't want your children or someone else's to hear it!

Sometimes you have to take the initiative. Don't always wait for her to come to you, because if that's how it always is, you're going to lose her.

If any lady is walking alone to her car in a dark parking lot/garage, or is carrying a heavy load, always offer to help walk her to her destination and carry things, if not the entire load. **This may work a lot better and come off non-stalkerish if you at least know the girl you're trying to help. Haha thanks to a LOT of people on this revision.**

If a woman says no, let that be her final answer with maybe one question of confirmation after her first answer. Do not pressure or force her in any way after that. Don't make her give in to something she doesn't want to do.

Always be honest with her. No woman wants or likes a dishonest man. If you can't be honest with her, she can't trust you, and shows you don't trust her enough to be honest. Trust, honesty and integrity are just as an integral part of a relationship and just as important as love.

A man should always genuinely listen to women; no matter how bored or busy the man is. Actively listening to the woman will keep him from pain (and bring the man and woman closer together). This works best, of course, when both the man and the woman actively and equally engage in conversation (this includes listening). For the ladies reading this, please talk - always talk - especially if you are having problems with the relationship and to also avoid making bigger problems.

Gone by the Wayside...

Yesterday, a good friend of mine and I got into a really good conversation about how sad it is that chivalry seems to be dead... Now, I know it's not totally dead. I still know a number of guys who know how to hold the doors open for girls, but there are things that are obviously lacking in that area, and sadly, I don't think will ever come back... My friend was telling me about her visit to California a few months ago. While there she stayed with her uncle and aunt. She told me all about how her uncle would not only open the car door for her aunt whenever they went somewhere, but he also opened the door for her and her mother and sister too. Whenever it was time to eat he would always wait until all of the ladies in the room were seated before he, himself sat down. At first as she was telling me all this I seriously had my doubts. I am not used to seeing this at all anymore and it sounded more as a story she was making up, but she was not making it up at all. There really is a guy out there in California, who not only knows how to be respectful to women and how to treat them, but is not at all ashamed or nervous to show it. Now my friend is from Poland, and apparently she said that's how all the men treat the women there. It's just something that is expected... It's sad to me that here in America we have let those things just kind of become foreign to us.