"Whataya Want From Me?"

Tonight I was hanging out with my sister and some friends that we have both known for SO long now I have lost count... While we were together the song "Whataya Want From Me?" by Adam Lambert started playing over the radio. Now, I am pretty sure Adam did not mean for that song to be kind of spiritual, but really listening to the lyrics is sounds so much like how we all act in our relationship with God. We let God down all the time, and we go to confession, and eventually tend to make the same kind of mistakes. It is somewhat frustrating when we talk to God and do not receive a direct answer from him, and at the same time begging God to not give up on us. This song seems to reflect that relationship perfectly... While listening to it I turned to one of my friends and told them that it just hit me how this would be a great retreat song... so if I ever do another retreat talk with that kind of topic I am totally using this song. Feel free to read the lyrics below. :)

Whataya Want From Me?
Adam Lambert

Hey, slow it down whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Yeah I'm afraid whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

There might have been a time
When I would give myself away
Oooh once upon a time I didn't give a damn
But now, here we are so whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up I'm workin it out
Please don't give in, I will let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Yeah, it's plain to see (plain to see)
that baby you're beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you
(nothing wrong with you)
It's me, I'm a freak (yeah)
but thanks for lovin' me
Cause you're doing it perfectly
(it perfectly)

There might have been a time
When I would let you slip away
I wouldn't even try
But I think you could save my life

Just don't give up I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in, I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep comin around
Hey, whataya want from me (Whataya want from me)
Whataya want from me (Whataya want from me)

Just don't give up on me
(uuuuuuh) I won't let you down
No, I won't let you down

(So hey) just don't give up
I'm workin it out
Please don't give in,
I won't let you down
It messed me up (It messed me up)
Need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me

Just don't give up I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in, i won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me (whataya want from me)
whataya want from me (whataya want from me)
whataya want from me

I Am Still A Work In Progress

Lord,

I am tired and I am weary.
I need Your strength to carry me on.
I am so lost and confused.
I need Your love to make me strong.
I am just one small person
with so much to give to the world,
but my own insecurities
are sapping the courage
right out of my veins.

I am learning
that the only person I can rely on
is You.
Sometimes I think that I aced that part of
the test,
but when my friends are gone
and my family is troubled
I feel so weak and frustrated, and defeated.

I know I am not perfect,
but You are still there for me.
You know my limits and my fears.
Please give me the power to break down
my walls of cowardice
so I can be fearless
and do the work you have set out for me.
I am Yours.

Amen.

"Lord, You're Beautiful"

"Lord You're Beautiful"

Oh Lord, you're beautiful,
Your face is all I seek,
For when your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.

Oh Lord, you're beautiful,
Your face is all I seek,
For when your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.

I want to take your word and shine it all around.
But first help me just to live it Lord.
And when I'm doing well, help me to never seek a crown.
For my reward is giving glory to you.

Oh Lord, please light the fire,
That once burned bright and clear.
Replace the lamp of my first love,
That burns with Holy fear.

The above song is a very popular worship song. It is beautifully written. There is one stanza in the song that really hits home with me, and it happens to be the one that is in bold letters... I can sometimes get a little grumpy every now and then when I feel that I am not getting rewarded for all the hard work I do. I guess that is only human. I want recognition when I are trying so hard to do the right thing, and sometimes when I do not receive it in the way I think I should I feel let down. In reality though, doing the right thing should not need rewarding. We are called by God to do that every day, and by doing so we should be wanting to just honor God... not have others honor us for honoring God. That just seems so silly... This song helps me remind myself that I do not need to be told how great I am doing all the time. I need to keep myself humble and my heart on God, not on my own selfish needs.

"True Pleasure"

I found this poem from a blog I like to look at every now and then. It is mostly filled with poetry, but there are other blog postings that I find interesting as well. I happened to read this particular one and found it incredibly inspiring... If you want to read more just click here.

True Pleasure

Crucifixion is fulfillment
Self-denial is freedom
A simple life is like walking on the moon
Serving others is like eating ice-cream
Contentment is satisfaction
Quiet is union with God
Seclusion is love affair
Poverty is rich
Sickness is a kiss from heaven
Other people’s virtue is our comfort

Live the true paradox
Turn the world over
Be an enigma

Fast and pray
Talk little and rest little
Think about God and not the world
Give to others as if there is no more chance
Trust God in success, trust Him more in failure
Live for heaven not for earth
Be like Christ crucified so you’ll gain Christ glorified
Learn from the rejected Messiah, He who is lowly and meek
Be afraid of nothing save sin
Delight in no one but God

Don’t struggle with the still small voice of God in your depth, give in to it
True pleasure comes from good actions
True pleasure cannot have a conflicted conscience
True pleasure is neglected by half-hearted love

Trust God, and you’ll be truly happy
Obey God, and you’ll truly live
Love God, and you’ll truly love

"What If"... Two Words That Can Do More Harm Than Good

This is really late for me to be up tonight, and I have a feeling I am going to really regret it, but sometimes there are moments when writing, blogging, journaling, are all I can think about doing... and I like to savor those moments, because usually something pretty great comes out of it. It may be just a line or it could be the whole thing I have splurged in the moment. Even though I never thought of myself as a journalist, and I would never want to really go into that field of work, I do enjoy writing things down when something interests me. I enjoy pondering a line in a song, or a stanza of a poem, or something that I noticed while paying attention to nature, or a quote from a movie that touched me in some way. They are all simple enough, but I can let myself wonder about them for a long time until I write it out on paper.

Tonight I watched the movie "Letters to Juliet" (which I have to say may be a new favorite movie of mine), and there was a quote from that movie that really touched me. I would love to copy and paste it onto this blog, but there are no movie quotes published for it yet on the internet, but I will be posting it whenever they get around to doing so. In this particular quote it talked about the words "what" and "if." Now these two are not at all scary or hurtful while separated, but when you put the two words together, "what if," then a person could make themselves go mad with curiosity... there are so many times I second guess myself and wonder what if I had done something a different way how it would have turned out. The problem with thinking about the words "what if" all the time is that I end up not enjoying what I do have. I let myself go off into an imaginary world of endless possible outcomes, none of which really matter since they are not my actual reality.

Everyday choices are what we all have to make, and live with the outcomes. What I eat for breakfast, who I choose to hang-out with, when I get around to paying my bills, signing up for classes, allowing myself to fall in love... As easy as it is to let my mind think about how I could have chosen things differently, in the end it usually only brings heartache... and I do not need to much of that anymore. That is why I try to avoid the words "what if" because I need to be more attentive to how I can fix some mistakes I made than think about what I should have done. I cannot change the past, but I can find a way to change my future...

With that being said, I am now ready for a good night's sleep....

"Come Holy Spirit And Renew The Face Of The Earth..."

As I mentioned in my last post I went down to Memphis, Tennessee this past week-end for my Aunt's wedding. It was a nice week-end filled with lots of family time. It was incredibly hot and humid in that town. The majority of the time I just felt like I would physically melt into a puddle... I am not gonna lie though, I enjoyed feeling that kinda heat for a short while... not the humidity though. Other than spending time with family, some of whom I have not seen since I was around 14, the highlight of my week-end was going to Mass at St. Anne's parish in Memphis. These are a few of the photos I took of the church. It was so pretty. There were even little alcoves of statues for St. Jude and the Sacred Heart which I did not post here, but are just as pretty.

The priest that was giving the homily was a very Catholic priest. He spoke about how much he loves the Holy Spirit. He talked about how many of us Catholics do not think to much about the third person of the Trinity, when in reality that is probably the one that we should really be the closest too considering that is who God and Jesus left us here with at Pentecost. The priest also mentioned how the very first novena the Church ever had is the Novena to the Holy Spirit... which is supposed to start on Ascension Thursday and goes until Pentecost Sunday.

What he said is true though... as much as I pray to God and Jesus, half the time I don't really think about the Holy Spirit. I guess it is something I still did not quite fully understand... I still do not, but after this homily a light bulb went on in my head and I realized I should be talking just as much to the Holy Spirit as I do with the other two persons of the Trinity.

PRAYER FOR THE SEVEN GIFTS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT
O Lord Jesus Christ Who, before ascending into heaven did promise to send the Holy Spirit to finish Your work in the souls of Your Apostles and Disciples, deign to grant the same Holy Spirit to ______ (name) that the Holy Spirit may perfect in their soul, the work of Your grace and Your love. Grant _____________(name) the Spirit of Wisdom that they may despise the perishable things of this world and aspire only after the things that are eternal, the Spirit of Understanding to enlighten their mind with Your divine truth, the Spirit of Counsel that they may ever choose the surest way of pleasing God and gaining heaven, the Spirit of Fortitude that they may bear their cross with You and that they may overcome with courage all the obstacles that oppose their salvation, the Spirit of Knowledge that they may know God and know themselves and grow perfect in the science of the Saints, the Spirit of Piety that they may find the service of God sweet and amiable, and the Spirit of Fear that they may be filled with a loving reverence towards God and may dread to displease Him in any way. Mark them, dear Lord with the sign of Your true disciples, and animate them in all things with Your Spirit so that _____________________________ (state intention) as You would have it be. Amen.

Another C.O.T.A. Kid Here In Bloomington

I know I have mentioned way back in some of my earlier posts about why Children's Organ Transplant Association is close to my heart. If you would like to know why you can click here. Anyway this is another one in need of a kidney transplant. They are needing to raise $50,000 dollars for this young man. They have raised around $15,000 dollars right now. If you want to know more about him or donate money or volunteer your time to help fund raise at all you can click here.