Tonight I am sitting here and my mind is bouncing in a hundred different places. Ok, well, that is not exactly true. That is really not true at all. In fact it is very focused on one thing, and that is what is so frustrating to me tonight. I want to break-away from it, but when I feel close something happens and I am right back where I started. Sometimes it is a line in a song or a quote from a book I am reading...It has been on my mind for most of the year and really it just should not be there anymore, or at least not as strong. Not nearly as strong. I have been so good bouncing back from things in the past that I am annoyed with myself for not being able to bounce back on this one... I need to let it go because it is only hurting me in the long run. I say that as if it is something so easy to do, but for whatever reason this is not so easy to do.
There are defining moments in life... people we meet, opportunities that somehow come our way at the exact time we need it, life experiences that have made us who we are... and at the time we don't realize how perfect the timing was for them. Those moments don't always phase us as they happen, and if they do we don't always really understand it all. Instead, we just go with the flow. After time passes and we think back to those moments we realize how important they were and are so grateful for them.
I know that what is on my mind tonight will most likely be one of those defining times in my life. I don't understand why things played out the way they did just yet, and really I think that is what bugs me the most. Once I understand I am sure when I think back on it I will be able to smile and be extremely grateful for what I learned from it. So until then... I guess I have no choice BUT to pray for even more clarity and understanding on why this part in my life played out like it did...There is no better person to give up this kind of thing than to God, so here it comes.
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