Finding Freedom in Imperfection

I have been thinking a lot about some of the way I am. I started really contemplating this when I was in my small group. I do not even remember the question that sparked the way I have realized I need to make somewhat of a change.

Perfection... sometimes I think in a way I work towards trying to be the "perfect" friend, sister, person to work with, daughter. I realize that I never really thought about trying to be the "perfect" person, but I think that in a way I do do that. I try to be the person that always has something nice being said about them. I try to be the listening ear for friends and family. I try to always have a smile on my face because I somehow feel as though people have really started to expect that from me. I try not to complain too often about things even though there are many times I just want to tell people to give me a break... I am not a psychiatrist. I can't be the one to save everyone's little corner of the world. That is what God and Jesus are for, right? That sounded a little harsh after reading that, but the truth is I have my own personal issues I have been trying to get through, and sometimes I do not want to deal with other people's problems.

I realized in my small group that there are very few people I feel comfortable and trust enough to vent to and know that they will still love me afterwords. I think my problem is that I need to let more people in and not be afraid to always keep my guard up and keep a happy face on when I am not totally feeling all that happy. I am not saying that keeping my guard up is a bad thing... letting people in has always been an issue for me. For as long as I can remember it seems that as though as soon as I start to really feel comfortable with a person and really trust them enough to let them all the way in, they leave... they move away, or they find other people to hang-out with and kind of drop me like a hot potato without much of an explanation for it. My family seems to think I wear my heart on my sleeve, and in some ways I do, but in others I keep it hidden under lock and key.

I have to remember that there is no such thing as a "perfect" person. The only person that can totally own that saying is Jesus... well I guess Mary too, so two people that can own that saying. I have come to realize that it is somewhat freeing to realize I don't need to be perfect all the time... so imperfection is totally ok, and there is beauty and character in a hopelessly flawed person. Why should I hold myself to such an impossible standard as perfection if I don't expect that from everyone else in my life. We are all human and we all have different things we are dealing with. As of now I am going to work on letting some more people in when I need someone, because it is not healthy for me to keep it all in.