Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I Do Not Want to Miss Out On My Journey

I realized last night while talking to a friend that when it comes to relationships I like to analyze them way to much. I try to take an interaction with someone and break it down into little pieces trying to figure what the other person meant. Most of the time I do this when it comes to a guy I find myself attracted to. I tend to always ask this one particular friend a number of questions about if something a guy says or does could mean more or if I am just trying to read to much into it because that is what I want it to mean. He tends to tell me over and over again that I think to much about things, and if something is supposed to happen or is going to happen it will. He likes to say that a lot to me, and I know in the back of my mind he is right, but that still does not stop me from wondering... I can't help it. It is something I need to work on though. Not getting so worked up over what a guy is thinking. I mean if he likes me enough then eventually he will let me in on that, right? So why worry over it? Cause I am a girl, and that is what girls tend to do. Worry and fret over a guy we like. I am sure though that guys can be the same way when it comes to a girl they like.

Thinking about the whole, sitting back and waiting for things to happen is always so hard for me. Not only with romantic relationships, but also in my day to day relationship with God. I want to break each happening in my life down and try to figure out what God meant by it, when really I do not need to know until the moment He is ready to let me know.

Patience is what it comes down to I suppose. I am a very impatient person in pretty much all the areas in my life except for when it comes to my job. I hate waiting for things to happen, but I wonder if in my haste of wanting to see what is going to happen I am missing out on the journey... the self-discovery. I do not want to miss out on that, so I will keep working on this patience thing.


Gracious God, it’s so hard to wait. To wait for new things to happen in my life. To wait for you to answer my prayers. To wait for the open doors that may lead me into a new way of being. During the time of waiting, it seems that all I can think of is having what it is I am waiting for. At times I feel weary of asking and waiting, and I wonder if you really hear my prayers at all, if you are ignoring me, or if you are simply refusing to give me my heart’s desire. A part of me knows that you want my best, and that your time is not my time, but Lord, it is still so hard to wait. Deepen my trust, O Lord, during the times when my heart longs for what can only come in the fullness of time. Give me a calm assurance that your will for me is grander than anything I could ever imagine. Still my mind and heart in your love so that I am mindful of the grace you are draping around me every single day, every single moment. I ask this for the sake of your love.

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