While on the March for Life trip I must say that I had a bit of an inner struggle/confusion going on. You see, while waiting for the Vigil Mass to begin I became very friendly with the people who were sitting around me. We were all crammed together like a can of sardines that it is not hard to make a connection with those around you.
One man who I met happened to sit at the very end of the pew that I was leaning on. He and I talked about where we were from (he was from Missouri) and what we liked about our home towns. He was very easy to talk to and I enjoyed my conversation with him. At the end of the Mass as my group was getting ready to go he tapped me on my shoulder and asked me what I was majoring in. I told him early childhood education. He then told me I was a very brave woman. I laughed at that and explained to him how I have been working at a daycare for five years now, so I was pretty sure I knew what I was getting myself into. He then looked me straight in the eye and asked me if I had ever thought about being a nun. I cannot explain why at that moment I felt a feeling of nervousness, but I did. I explained to him how I have prayed about it, but I am pretty sure I am not called to be a nun. He smiled at my answer and I then had to say goodbye to him as my group was leaving him.
A few of my friends over heard this conversation and found it interesting as there has been a running joke of how I will become a nun, I am just in denial. I was hoping they would not spread that story around because I still wanted to process it all in my head, but it did not happen as I wished. The first thing my sister told the group when we met up with everyone was my conversation with this man.
I am completely used to my friends joking around about me becoming a nun. It is nothing new. It has happened for a number of years now, but they make it known to me they are just joking. In fact the majority of the time after they joke about it they always end up telling me they know I will actually become a wonderful mother and have twelve kids. Why it is ALWAYS twelve kids, I have no idea, but it is. I suppose if God chooses to give me twelve I will find a way to handle it, but I really would not mind dealing with no more than five, but beggars cannot be choosers I suppose. I suppose the reason why I was so taken back by this man's comment is because I have never really been told by someone I just met about if I have thought about being a nun.
The next morning I took this to prayer when I went with a small group of friends to a holy hour and Mass. I also had some good conversations with my two seminarien friends. I know that I must keep contemplating and praying about whatever vocation God is calling me to. I am pretty certain I am called to marriage, but until that happens I will work on my relationship with Him now.
5 comments:
God often speaks to us through others...it can be one thing if your friends tease you about being a nun (I get that all the time too) but from a complete stranger?! Divine inspiration or something!!
Have you been on any discernment retreats? You should go down to Nashville in March/May for one of their retreats. Maybe a retreat at a convent and seeing their life will give you more clarity on whether you are called to marriage or maybe the religious life. Be open!
Anyway, I'll add you to my rolling list of prayers for those in discernment! Oh and if you want more info on any retreats let me know :)
Liz,
I agree that God speaks through people. I have to say though, that I trust my very closest friends and family more than someone I talked to for fifteen minutes or so. My closest friends and family know more about my personality than an almost complete stranger. They know what makes me tick and what makes me happy. They know when I am grumpy (which usually is only in the mornings). You probably understand where I am going with that. It is not that I want to shoot what this man asked me down, it is just that I want to pray more about it.
Also I have looked into a lot of different orders of sisters. When it comes to communication they are all very strict, especially when it comes to communicating with men. I have SO many close guy friends who I love like family. I cannot imagine not being able to keep good contact with them. That is one huge sacrifice where I would be the MOST weak with. The ones that are not so strict with that happen to not really wear a habit, which is something that I puts off of those orders.
Also I have always had this feeling I should be a mother. I LOVE helping out with little kids (I love it so much that is what I chose to do with my life, be a teacher). I have learned so much life experience with this job that I feel more ready in some areas of motherhood than other women my age. Obviously, I can never be COMPLETELY ready for motherhood. No woman can. It is something I know I will learn more about as I go along....
I appreciate knowing you will be keeping me in your prayers though. :) That means a lot!
Teresa
Check out the Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration in Mishawaka, IN. My friend Alexa entered there. www.ssfpa.org They are very orthodox and wear habits, but they aren't as strict as more monastic orders like the Dominican Sisters in Nashville. Alexa has less restrictions on who/when she can write. She can write anytime but lent/advent.
However, that's not something that should keep you/interest you so much in a community. If you join a religious community you detach yourself from the world in order to know yourself and know God better. After the first few years of initial formation usually the rules loosen up and you might be able to use email or write more people. The reason Nashville doesn't let you write to guys who aren't family or clergy is because a lot of times girls leave the convent because a boy is writing them and telling them to leave and come be with him, etc.
Something had to make that guy ask you that...there had to be something about you that triggered him to say that :)
If you talk to any sister they will say they also desired motherhood. A nun once told me if you want to enter the convent because you don't desire to be a mother, something isn't right. As a sister you will be a spiritual Mother to many people and many children!
Just a few things to think about :)
Teresa, i know i am an outsider and you do not know me... but i can't help but chime in here. You are right, God can speak through all people to you, regardless if you know them or not.
I know you say your friends are just joking, but they won't be saying you would make a good nun if you won't. I know for the longest time my best guy friend would call me mother superior or tell me i would be a wonderful nun. Everytime he said it, he said it with an air of sarcasim...well needless to say, i am entering the dominican sisters of st. cecilia this coming august, God willing.
At that time, when they were joking with me, did i want to be a sister... heck no! Did i know they were just joking, yes... but after a few years to be still and discern, i realized that even in the jokes of my friends, God was gently nudding me. I just wasn't ready at the time to hear that.. and God knew it, but still it got me to think of it, even if it was just for a moment or some before my mind drifted to the next thing.
Also, i have always wanted to be a mother... i am a nanny right now and deeply love the kids that i nanny. It was hard to imagine giving up physical motherhood at the begining of my discernment... gosh darn it, i wanted to be a mom! But over the past year and a half, i have come to realize that God is calling me to a deeper motherhood.. freely sacrificing that of physical motherhood to be instead a spiritual mother to all. I will no longer just be my parents, but i will become the whole Churches.. if that makes any sense.
I went from running for the life to deeply desiring it. I will miss talking to my friends, espically amy close guy friends (of which i have many)... but i know that our friendship will not end with lack of letters, instead i will be united to them in a deeper way, through the veil of the eucharist. With love comes sacrifice, with sacrifice comes love.
I just encourage you to pray the you remain docile to the will of the Lord, no matter what it may be...whether a conscrated religous or a wife.... either way, one who openly explores and discerns all vocations is going to live a more fruitful life... cause they have sought out the Lord and trusted in him...
Know that you will be in prayers.. and i hope i haven't creeped you out too much...
God Bless
ADR
Liz and Ashley,
Thank-you so much for your comments. They have given me much to think about... Discernment is a lifelong process. Discerning which vocation I am called to is only part of it. It is an adventure, and as long as I keep focused on my relationship with God I know whichever way this turns out it will be for the best.
Liz,
I have looked into other orders beside the Dominicans, including the Sisters of Perpetual Adoration. I have randomly looked into the orders over the past couple of years, but so far I have not felt a strong pull towards any of them... I will keep looking though until I know for absolute certain I am called to marriage. Thanks for suggesting this order. I will look into it again. :)
Thank-you so much for sharing your story with me, Ashley. It is beautiful. I wish you great happiness as you enter into the Dominican order! I have a feeling God will have great things for you to accomplish while there. :)
With Much Love,
And Many Prayers,
Your (New)Friend,
Teresa
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