"God is Love"

Earlier today some friends and I got into a pretty deep conversation all about love. The conversation started off with one of my friends asked us if we really thought much about how the word "love" is used in our everyday language. I thought about it for a minute and then I looked at him and asked if he meant how we use love in the place of infatuation. You know, like when you first have a crush on someone and you tell people how you love that person, when really it is not love, but infatuation. I also talked about how people talk about "love at first sight." I personally don't believe in "love at first sight." I think the term "lust at first sight" fits more appropriately than love. To me it takes a whole lot more than just a glance to love someone. Loving someone is a choice. You choose everyday to love that person for everything they are. Their "good" parts as well as their "bad" ones. When you first see someone you know nothing about them other than what they look like so how can you truly love that person?
Another friend brought up how we tend to overuse the word here in America. For example, when we say "Oh I love country music" or "I love pizza." Obviously we don't think about what we are saying when we say that... I mean, would you die for something like country music or pizza? I know that if for whatever reason someone pointed a gun at me and said "hand over the pizza or I'll kill you." I would drop the pizza and get myself out of that situation as fast as possible... not that I think anyone one would do something like that... I'd be worried if they did.
Another thing which was brought up in this conversation is the encyclical, "Deus Caritas Est," which translated means "God is Love." It was the very first encyclical written by our Pope, Pope Benedict XVI. In this encyclical Pope Benedict talks about the four different types of love... which I put below if you're at all interested in reading about them.
Another friend told us that his teacher once told him that the way you can tell if it is true holy love is if God is involved in the relationship, which I totally agree with. There is a t-shirt I like to wear from an old retreat I helped lead back during my senior year of high school. The shirt says, "Got F.R.O.G.? (friendship relies on God)." I think that fits perfectly with this topic and a nice way to remember that God always needs to remain an important part in every relationship we have.

Affection (storge, στοργή) is fondness through familiarity, especially between family members or people who have otherwise found themselves together by chance. It is described as the most natural, emotive, and widely diffused of loves: natural in that it is present without coercion; emotive because it is the result of fondness due to familiarity; and most widely diffused because it pays the least attention to those characteristics deemed "valuable" or worthy of love and, as a result, is able to transcend most discriminating factors. Ironically, its strength, however, is what makes it vulnerable. Affection has the appearance of being "built-in" or "ready made", says Lewis, and as a result people come to expect, even to demand, its presence—irrespective of their behavior and its natural consequences.

Friendship (philia, φιλία) is a strong bond existing between people who share a common interest or activity. Lewis explicitly says that his definition of friendship is narrower than mere companionship: friendship in his sense only exists if there is something for the friendship to be "about". He calls Companionship or Clubbableness a matrix for friendship, as friendship can rise in the context of both. Friendship is the least natural of loves, states Lewis; i.e., it is not biologically necessary to progeny like either affection (e.g., rearing a child), eros (e.g., creating a child), or charity (e.g., providing for a child). It has the least association with impulse or emotion. In spite of these characteristics, it was the belief of the ancients, (and Lewis himself), that it was the most admirable of loves because it looked not at the beloved (like eros), but towards that "about"—that thing because of which the relationship was formed. This freed the participants in this friendship from self-consciousness.

Eros (ἔρως) is love in the sense of 'being in love'. This is distinct from sexuality, which Lewis calls Venus, although he does spend time discussing sexual activity and its spiritual significance in both a pagan and a Christian sense. He identifies eros as indifferent. This is good because it promotes appreciation of the beloved regardless of any pleasure that can be obtained from them. It can be bad, however, because this blind devotion has been at the root of many of history's most abominable tragedies. In keeping with his warning that "love begins to be a demon the moment [it] begins to be a god", he warns against the danger of elevating eros to the status of a god.

Caritas (agapē, ἀγάπη) is an unconditional love directed towards one's neighbor which is not dependent on any lovable qualities that the object of love possesses. Agape is the love that brings forth caring regardless of circumstance. Lewis recognizes this as the greatest of loves, and sees it as a specifically Christian virtue. The chapter on the subject focuses on the need of subordinating the natural loves to the love of God, who is full of charitable love. Lewis states that "He is so full, in fact, that it overflows, and He can't help but love us." Lewis metaphorically compares love with a garden, charity with the gardening utensils, the lover as the gardener, and God as the elements of nature. God's love and guidance act on our natural love (that cannot remain what it is by itself) as the sun and rain act on a garden: without either, the object (metaphorically the garden; realistically love itself) would cease to be beautiful or worthy. Lewis warns that those who exhibit charity must constantly check themselves that they do not flaunt—and thereby warp—this love ("But when you give to someone, don't tell your left hand what your right hand is doing."—Matthew 6:3), which is its potential threat.