Things to Understand
1) If you want a good Catholic marriage, you must become a good Catholic yourself.
Unfortunately the term "Catholic" is applied to a broad spectrum of people, most of whom are merely nominal Catholics. Seventy to eighty percent of "Catholics" do not attend Mass regularly. A good Catholic never misses Mass on Sundays or holy days of obligation. A good Catholic also goes far beyond Mass attendance. He or she develops lifelong habits of receiving sacraments, praying daily--half hour at least--and growing in the faith by learning more about it, by for example, reading works of Catholic wisdom (not "spiritual" or "New Age" crap) or by belonging to small faith-sharing communities.
As important as prayer and growth is charity. Charity includes, among many other things, treating other people with dignity, fairness and consideration of their valid needs and feelings. In fact, if you do not treat others charitably and justly, Mass attendance, prayer, and any other religious activities are hollow.
2) Understand that there is a right way, a Catholic way, to seek a mate.
It is a way in which one treats other persons with respect and in which one looks for the right qualities in others. Treating others as objects or with unfounded suspicion, playing games with them, deceiving them, being mean, not being straightforward is not the Catholic way. The character of those to whom we are attracted, how they behave toward others, not just us, should always be the paramount factor in choosing companions.
There is much talk these days about the differences between men and women. Any differences among the sexes do not alter the fact that there is an objective, knowable right and wrong and that moral obligations are the same for all. Members of either sex are not exempt from the obligation to behave rightly because of how their minds work or because of their "feelings."
"Catholic" on-line dating services and in-person singles groups like the Catholic Alumni Club are scandals to the church because they facilitate and even encourage unCatholic behavior. They certainly do nothing to discourage and prevent unCatholic behavior. Thus they cause as much scandal as pedophile priests or pro-abortion Catholic politicians.
3) Women, understand that top-notch Catholic men like top-notch Catholic women.
Top-notch Catholic men won't settle for anything less and top-notch Catholic women understand and live 1) and 2) above. If you are obnoxious, play games with men and treat men like dirt, the only men who will come near you are the losers with no self-respect.
4) Understand that even among good Catholics, chemistry, attraction and compatibility have the final word.
Reason tells us what to look for in good Catholic mates, but it is emotion that brings two good Catholics together as mates. It's irrational. It's beyond our control. It's a mystery, often a frustrating one, but it's the way God made us. That a man and woman are great Catholics and have a lot in common does not mean that they will have the mutual feelings of love or the suitability to marry each other. There's nothing anybody can do if there's no mutual attraction. No amount of effort can make another love one.
When those seeking mates fail to understand this, trouble and heartache occur. In fact, if there is mutual attraction, not much effort is required to start dating. If your signals that you like someone are repaid with indifference and your efforts to get a date are repeatedly met with vague brush-offs like "I can't. I'm busy," then you're wasting your time, eroding your dignity and looking scary. I made it a hard rule to ask a woman for a date only once. If she did not accept that one invitation, I moved on.
By the same token if you find yourself being being pursued by a man or woman who doesn't seem to understand that you're not interested, the Catholic thing to do is to A) assume that he or she is not a threat but merely inexperienced and B) tell him or her, in a straightforward and polite way, "I'm sorry. I'm flattered by your interest, but I can't reciprocate. Let's not discuss it any further." This is much kinder than sending subtle signals that are missed and otherwise being "too nice" to say anything and therefore letting a hopeless situation continue. Also delivering a definite "Not interested," enables you to find out if the suitor is simply immature or a real problem creep.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
"If you want a good Catholic marriage, you must become a good Catholic yourself"
The below is an article I found off of the internet... Now, to some this may seem pretty basic stuff, which I thought as I was reading it, but I do not think that enough Catholic people understand this. People ask "why can't I find a good Catholic mate?" all the time. I hear it from both guy friends and girl friends. The truth of the matter is if a person does not take the Catholic faith seriously how can they expect to find a really good Catholic mate to marry??? That is really what the article is all about below, if anyone is interested in reading it.