Tuesday, November 17, 2009

"All You Need is Love"

I have been recently thinking about how our society has no problem misusing the world "love" for all the wrong things, and has such a hard time using in the right context. Why is it that we all have such a hard time telling people we love them and how much they mean to us? Is it because we are just so vulnerable and feel so scared of rejection that we deny telling people how we feel about them? I think by hiding that part of us we just build up a wall and very few people make us feel comfortable enough to let down that wall. There is a lyric from a Keith Urban song that says "The truest friends can be counted on one hand." Is that because it is so hard to let people in that that statement is so true? Is it our own personal fault?
I know that I myself have been hurt by people I thought were close friends... people who I did let down that wall to just to be left behind like a piece of litter on the road... I am not going to lie. Having that happen to me a few times really has made it harder and harder to let down that wall to people in fear that I will be rejected. I am afraid that once people do see that part of me eventually they will just be like, "Oh, that's all there is in there?" and then decide to walk away. It's happened enough times to me, and so I can see why it is scary to tell people how I really feel about them.
I had a very emotional time over my retreat week-end. I allowed myself to open up and talk about things and feelings that I did not talk about too much before, because I was afraid people would not want to listen to me. I have been afraid in the past about how my friends would react if I did breakdown when I needed to. Take my father's accident a few years back. When I needed to breakdown I didn't allow myself too. I held it in because I didn't want my friends to think I was weak or being silly... and yet at the same time I was frustrated with my friends for not checking up on me. I shouldn't have been frustrated with them because I was telling them I was ok. I am sure that if I told them I wasn't ok and I was really freaking out then they would have been there for me. That's just one silly example of me being afraid to open up... (Random side note: I think us girls in general can be so overemotional about some things, and we can't ever make up our minds about what we want. I can't even explain why that is, and I am a girl...)
I learned on this retreat that it really is ok for me to lean on my friends when I need them. That's why God gave them to us afterall. I am going to keep working on that part of me.

1 comment:

Suzanne said...

To lean on friends is good and let them give as long as we are there for them when we can be in return.
They may have a piece of wisdom or heart that God wants them to share.
You are right..girls can be very emotional..some more than others. As you know, I have to fight that off myself..too wimpy at times and
then I try to be to tough at times.
It was good I opened the Book of Job
up..we all need to realize though that God is in all of that we need and going back to that quiet time
of listening and trusting Him because people will never quite be able to "fix" one another, however, it is okay and as Christians the Bible teaches that we must lift one another up.
I tried to be strong for Daddy when he got hurt because I wanted to show him and God how I could try to be quiet and nurse him with love...I don't know if I had ever loved Daddy like I did at that time in my life. I was thankful you all were such precious kids during that time. Love, Mother